x – Farewell to Dad, My First Love

Our love,
born of ancient Bennu deity,
n’ Egyptian Magic,
erupted, reconstructed
my world

Touched down
from a distant heavenly star
stepped in
showered assurances
like I had never seen

Same time
It rose up from
the belly of a ‘lost’ beast
on Baltimore’s streets –
A mutha-fucka with tongue and temper
that would not quit
until brokenness
from some thing
some thought
some one
spilled before your throne

I WAS
knowing nothing of the man’s body
who conceived me
BAPTIZED
in your lake of “make”
and “believe”

You made yourself my father
I made myself your daughter
and together, we made “us”

“…a wedding is for a father and daughter. They stop being married to each other on that day.”  ~Sarah Ruhl, Eurydice

 

In sync with the sun,
we believed

 

 

 

 

in consistently showing up
that no game can be won
no fear faced
no obstacle overcome
without presence

we believed

when you called me to kiss
your cheek before bedtime
to say “for this day, this night, and
an eternity of tomorrows”
I AM loved, I AM loveable, I AM love

we created

turning our dreams
into reality,
our reality, into a dream
of two longing heart’s
soaring on wind’s wings

Through you, I discovered the joy in knowing
one other, who could offer an
unconditionally consistent kinda love
that perfected patience
giving time …time
and my soul’s seasons, their full splendor:
from budding young smiles, to butting heads, to
flowering from raindrops under the sun
…even in the end feeling,

“we” won

when your thin, weakened frame
stood firmly, strongly as
you had always thought a ‘father’s stance’
should be
with a final look in your eye
telling me
you were ready to go
our last phone conversation’s ending
“I love you” – like I didn’t know
and together, we inhaled the power of transition
not long before
you exhaled, agreed with resurrection…

go. Take flight from a shoreline
you introduced me to at age 7
Like Bennu, once again,
soar across your own
immeasurable waters of Nun
before landing on the rock
of a beautiful, brand new existence

I remain
to feel
a million and one sand crystals cake
up under my feet…
I stay. a little while longer
‘smiling’ from deep…within
(as you asked me to do in
your last letter)

Be assured,
The mother of
“Our World Tree”
wraps her roots about
my frame
rests your Atef crown
upon my head

and for your role in my
life, she teaches me
to bow gracefully
stretch forth my hands
release
and whisper
I Thank you, dad
May you fare well